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Hip-Hop Fridays: Tornado Teef's News In Review

I am sure that most of you who are reading this right now are wondering, "Who the HELL is Tornado Teef?" Well, please allow me to introduce myself. I am just like you; a semi-educated, highly opinionated human being that under normal conditions lives just like everyone else. But there are certain times when people do stupid things or stupid things happen that just don't make any kind of sense. It is those things that cause Tornado Teef to show his ass.

Periodically we will review some stories that really get under my skin. Here are a few.


The Black Star News: P.Diddy Rules, Nigga!

Hypocrisy is a beautiful thing, for years now Blacks have been loving the fact that we actually had something of our own that Whites were not able to be apart of. Even though we did not create the word “Nigger”, we as Blacks have taken a death grip on it. We stole it from Whites the same way they stole Rock and Roll from us. The fact the we had White people scared to death to use the word “Nigger” was great. We turned the table on them, turned a negative into a positive. No matter what position they were in or no matter how frustrated they were with Blacks, they could not call a Black person a “Nigger” because a beat down might follow. The more scared Whites were to use the word “Nigger” the more apt we were to use it to describe ourselves. And don't let a White person ask why can we use it and they can't, “BECAUSE YOU CAN'T” would most likely be our response.

Now “Nigger” (or in slang terms, “Nigga”) is the most common terms used amongst Blacks to describe each other. “What up Nigga?”, “That's my Nigga.”, “Nigga please”. You are likely to hear any of these terms in our streets just as you are likely to hear, “Hello”, “Good afternoon”, and “Have a great day” in White streets. But we seem to be OK with “Nigger” as long as it is “Nigga”. But what happens when our hypocrisy is thrown back into our faces by our so called people.

There is a little store in Malawi, which is an African country where a couple of store owners have a shop called “Niggers”. This store has what the owners call “Hip Hop style clothing”. The inspiration for the store name came from P. Diddy according to one of the owners. Yeah, that's right P. Diddy is the face of “Niggers” in Africa. These Africans only see a small part of Black culture in America and what they are being shown is mostly negative and ignorant. But hey each one of use has to make a choice about how we want to be portrayed amongst ourselves and to the world. We do have control over the word “Nigger” now and can do what we want with it. But just because we own it does not mean we have to use it. Think about it.

Peace, my Niggas!

Kwame Kilpatrick:

Detroit Free-Press: “Women Voters Desert Mayor”

I hope that this dude finally gets the point. When you walk around with the term the “Hip Hop Mayor” on your back, good things cannot happen. He is a failed social experiment. Did he honestly think that walking around with a diamond stud in his ear bigger than Nelly's and wearing suits that he borrowed from Steve Harvey would really turn into a successful political career.

This dummy fell right into the trap, like a rapper chasing a platinum chain on a string. He was given the chance to really make a difference in the city of Detroit (which really needs it). He could have improved the school system, improved living conditions in the inner city, and given young kids something to do instead of hanging on the streets. But instead when handed the key to Detroit, Kilpatrick threw a four year party. We should have known that a Nigga would not know how to handle hundreds of millions in a bank account.

I am sure that if you walk into Detroit's City Hall right now you will see Cristal bottles everywhere, a stripper pole in the center of the conference room table, Niggas playing Playstation, the receptionist doing hair and nails, Black Tail magazines in the bathroom and Kilpatrick with a life size picture of Tupac hanging over his desk. Instead of running the city Kilpatrick was flying around to all of the award shows trying to find artist for his new label “Bad Budget Records”.

The city of Detroit is in far worse condition than it was four years ago when Kilpatrick was elected (the people of Detroit did not think it could get worse). But there is a lesson to be learned here, a Black mayor in Detroit is just as good as a White rapper from Detroit. Both are novelties and neither can last.

Terry McMillan:

The Guardian: "How Stella Lost Her Groove",6000,1534098,00.html

Throughout the 90's Terry McMillan can be credited with revitalizing the liberation of Black women, and all women in that matter. McMillan wrote books about Black women who were confident, successful, powerful and had a great sense of self. The neck rolling and finger snapping that resulted among women everywhere was hard to ignore. In her true to life book “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” (Which was piggybacked by a smash movie of the same title) McMillan writes about herself as a forty-something woman who went on vacation to relieve some stress and find herself. Instead, she found a twenty-something, strong handsome, virile MAN who swept her off her feet. The two married and lived happily ever after.

Or so it seemed. Now on the eve of an anticipated but overdue book (title not important) and a diminished buzz among her core audience, McMillan released to the media that her partner prefers to be penetrated. McMillan, who is not a very open person in public is now prostituting herself, telling anyone who would listen of how shocked and appalled she is by the fact that her man prefers men. She claims that by his own admission (and his timing could not be any more perfect), her husband Jonathan confessed that he was gay. Now many people who are in the know about McMillan had suspicions that this dude was gay. Anyone whose light-skinned and rocks the Christopher Williams S-Curl is suspect! They have been married for six years and McMillan claims that she had no idea that her husband was gay. I guess six years of the limp noodle was not evidence enough. Come on now, Black folk have always had the queer eye for the ones that have a little sugar in their tanks. The switch, the twist, the flick of the wrist are all signs. But even if those signs can be hidden, can a truly gay man really fake it for six years in bed? HELL NAW!!

Terry McMillan is not the victim here. The victims are the millions of women who were inspired by her words and moved to change the way they feel about themselves, their age, their sexual needs. They placed McMillan on a pedestal and carried her all the way to the bank. Now she is using the celebrity and power that she has been given to re-up. But I guess she should be applauded for being able to multi-task, she is now both Pimp and Wh**e!

Natalee Holloway:

Newsday: "Not only Natalee is missing",0,6681592.story?coll=ny-leadnationalnews-headlines

Let me begin by saying that I sincerely hope that this girl is found safe and if not, whoever harmed her pays.

But I am a man and I am a father to a daughter. And in both respects there are basic truths to this story. I don't need to know all of the details or who was where and why. But lets break this thing down and realize what we are looking at based on this series of events

1. Girl is on trip on a exotic island for first time.

2. Girl is having a great time drinking with her girlfriends (Alcohol is legal at 18).

3. Girl meets three native guys.

4. Girl and guys drinks some more.

5. Girl leaves with three guys.

Now regardless of what happens after event number five, if you add up events one through five any man who has ever brought a drink for a woman at a bar and any woman who has ever been brought a drink at a bar can come up with the answer. She's a Ho. It can't possibly end good for her.

As a man, this is the perfect way to leave the bar. As a father, this is your biggest fear. One day your little girl is bouncing on your knee and the next she is bouncing on someone's lap. Dads, you have been warned.

Lindsey Germaine:

LSE: "Fourth bomber identified"

Blacks have been persecuted for hundreds of years. However, throughout all of this persecution there have been a few heinous acts that we as Blacks were not guilty of. Something that we were able to look down our noses at the Whites. We may use and sell drugs, we may not care about our communities, we may degrade our women, and we may kill each other like animals. But by GOD we are not serial killers nor are we terrorist. We have all done it, seen some stupid serial killer or terrorist on television just killing people and that is our time to gloat. “Must be a white guy”, “Stupid a** crackers!” It was something to hang our hats on.

Those days are long gone now. First, that jacka** Malvo started picking people off in DC and now this d**khead Lindsey Germaine wants to go bomb England. Now there isn't one single thing that we can't be profiled for.

So all my people beware, aside from drugs and gangs you are now a potential serial killer and terrorist. But if you are going to be a terrorist or a serial killer, kill as many White folk as you can before you go! Thank you Malvo and Germaine, “YES I HOPE YOU DIE AND I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL!”

Tornado Teef,
I tried to tell ya!

All e-mail responses can be sent via e-mail

Tornado Teef

Friday, August 12, 2005

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The views and opinions expressed herein by the author do not necessarily represent the opinions or position of or Black Electorate Communications.

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